What’s Happening in Dundee
Several distraught male winemakers were recently spotted aimlessly wandering the Dundee Hills. The cause? Broken hearts and broken dreams, stemming from the recently announced engagement of local enchantress Dominque Drouhin. And she’s not even marrying a local boy….
Winemaking child prodigy Julian, age 4, was completely blown away by what his grandmother gave him for Christmas-here was a box of seeds which he was told “would attract butterflies.” In his mind he saw flowers propelling tiny missiles and rockets at any unsuspecting butterfly which might venture into their area. But he had to admit to himself that he had never actually seen such flowers, so it was with utmost curiosity that he asked his mother how these flowers were able to shoot down insects. His interest level dropped somewhat when the difference between “attract” and “attack” was explained to him.
For those chemistry freaks among you, a sign recently appeared on the wall above the massive clutter which I sometimes call my office. It reads: “The Second Law of Thermodynamics states that systems go spontaneously from order to disorder with a release of either useful or nonuseful energy.” Why isn’t this room warm?
John Thomas took time out from his winery construction to take a dance class which he talked Teri into taking with him. However, when they showed up for the 10week class, it was revealed that they would have to dance with each of the other students in the class. Among John’s partners were Baby Beluga, the Gum Chewer and the Lady with the Hip Motion. Meantime, Teri got to shake it with the Bald Weight Lifter and Mr. AfterShave Lotion.
The day after eating some very spicy Mexican food at Alice’s in Dundee, Portland francophile Tawny (age 9) was heard to ask, “Do people in Mexico always have sore butts?”
Yamhill County Right-to-Life groups are picketing Alice’s Cafe in Dundee. The reason? Seems they caught wind of a collection fund on the premises, the purpose of which is to raise money to have John Thomas’s Cat spayed. The kitty refuses to use the condoms (finger cots) which Shawna gave her for Christmas. Says kitty’s consort of choice, “coitus with a condom is like washing down Friskies Buffet with a California Cooler.”
Polysyllabic parameters of this publication owe their existence largely to John & Betty Brookes of Kelseyville, California. Witty inferences on certain topics came from Tony & Both Rick, and everything that can be conceived of as funny was stolen from the mind of Teri Wadsworth. And as usual, the bizarre requirements for layout and editing of this publication were successfully negotiated by David Boicourt.
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